…The F Word
Eventually I had to get here, to this place where I asked myself, “What am I going to do with all that bitterness if I do not forgive, what am I going to do with all those wrongs?” I sort of imagine that is how it is with God, that He catches the millions of confessions made to Him every second and He forgives each one then throws them into a deep pit written “SINS/CONFESSIONS.” I imagine that they all don’t have names attached to them because once they are confessed and thrown into the pit there is no need to go back to them for “reference.” Once they are thrown in the pit, that’s it, they are gone cause really of what use are they to Him?
Forgiveness is not easy; it is hard especially when someone unexpectedly wrongs you in the worst way imaginable. Some people would rather die than forgive, not because they are cruel or because they don’t love themselves enough but simply because it is hard, and even more difficult when you are wronged by someone dear to you. Imagine having to forgive a cheating wife, abusive husband, cunning girlfriend, corrupt star employee, shady child, ungrateful employer and so on and still have to face them every other day, talk about torture, it is not a walk in the park.
So I have a crazy wise friend and you know every once in a while she posts things that intrigue me. And my blog is actually inspired by something she posted…Thanks Stephanie 🙂 so she posted the above quote and captioned “is it still forgiveness or self-care?” And she said, “are we really forgiving because we have accepted that this person has wronged me and I release them or are we now like passively forgiving so we can protect ourselves?” And she spoke about how there is a thin line between the two, you risk “forgiving for the sake of it and eventually being bitter cause you didn’t really address the issue cause you just want to take care of yourself” This really got me thinking and got me questioning what I had been doing all along, forgiving or “just protecting myself”…cause there is a difference!
Genuine forgiveness, not the “protecting myself” forgiveness, ain’t easy but it has to be done. Issues have to be addressed so people can move on. The danger with just protecting yourself and not addressing a wrong is that the knife is not removed from your heart and when you reflect on why you are feeling the way you are feeling, you realise that knife keeps stabbing at that issue. So forgive to forgive, not to protect yourself but to JUST.FORGIVE.
We often forget that forgiveness is a 2 way process, and the one side we always overlook is forgiving so the other person doesn’t drown in guilt, but we never think about them because hey they wronged us, and I for one am guilty of this. There are countless stories of people who have died because of a guilt conscience, they were not forgiven and it kept hanging over their heads. In the process of “taking care of yourself” you forgot to let this person know that you forgive them,you just sort of released them or more like excluded them from your life but didn’t actually forgive them or maybe let me say you forgot to tell them that you forgive them.
Some people are just cold, they don’t know how to communicate well and they think they are just passing a comment but do not realise that in the process they are actually hurting you…. Forgive!
Some people are hurting, and in most cases they want you to feel that pain they harbour cause for some really strange reason that will make them feel good….Forgive!
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, your words will never hurt me” might be your daily mantra and yet every time your boss walks into your office, the fire he spits aims straight for your soul scorching you real bad….Forgive!
I can’t make excuses for everyone but at the end of the day, you need to remember, in as much as you are “protecting yourself” someone else is”protecting them-self from you!” and one day something is going to hang over your head too and you will need that forgiveness too cause you ain’t perfect lol
I think it’s better to give yourself time, if you need to go away for a bit do so, so you can eventually come to this place where you say “I forgive you!” It can take years but you need to get to this place where it is not just to protect yourself but to protect the next person from their guilt and I think once you are here you will have reached the full circle of forgiveness where it is no longer just about you!
Thank you to Stephanie Fietzek for your very wise contribution, you are the real deal 😉
