Moments of madness
Have you ever decided to take a walk just to clear your mind? Well, there is no electricity so what else are you going to do on a sunny Saturday afternoon with your broke self? Here you are walking with a spring in your step. You start off in silence smiling and waving hello to the random stranger that passes by, royalty much? Then you get comfortable. You gradually start giving voice to your thoughts. You laugh even cause you’re hella funny (in your mind) and you are so engrossed in yourself, oblivious of anyone or anything around you.
Here you are thinking about the time you sent a message to your boss that was meant for your bestie. “Talk to Dr J for me, I need a fake sick note for at least a week off I am so done with this place, cant wait for our getaway. Text me when it’s done!” You slap your hand to your forehead as you shake your head recalling how awkward it was when your boss called you in and asked if Dr J could also organize a sick note for him as he would also like “time off from work.” You laugh now but you almost peed your pants then. The fact that he was light-hearted considering how he is usually as grumpy as a 2 year old who’s had his candy taken from him makes you bury your face in your hands laughing so hard you are shaking.
As if someone has slapped you back to reality, like blind Bartimaeus your eyes are opened and what do you see? A man.
A man you probably should be walking away from. There he is, his clothes ripped so bad it looked like there was a rat festival, now had you seen him from another angle you might have have just been like yeezy reloaded but his face…his face is shining black, you are pretty sure he had applied grease cause all you see is black….black on black and he has a huge grin on his face. You start walking fast cause you know, it’s scary when a homeless, crazy looking man is looking at you with a huge grin on his face, that grin could mean anything and you don’t want to find out what his is about.
As you break into a brisk walk, you question why he was grinning at you like that. You ask yourself loudly, then like the sun breaking out of the clouds, an epiphany if you like, you realise it is probably because you, the person who would pass as “sane” the smartly dressed one with a scent so fresh like magnolia dipped in cocoa butter, you the person who looks like you stepped out of a gingerbread house, yes you “sane” you was having a full blown conversation with yourself, laughing using hand gestures even.
Lord have mercy. Here you are offended because when you looked back he had a smirk louder than his voice ever could, “and they say I am crazy, look at you!” it implied.
Awkward! of course you know you are not crazy but for that second, that millisecond when that crazy person looked at you that way, you questioned your own sanity. It is only when you were far from him, a considerably safe distance did you remember who you were. A sane person who had a moment of madness but was judged by a vagabond.
Isn’t it interesting how even for a second we can allow someone else to judge us, how we dare allow someone else to question our sanity, our motives, our lives, us!? That split second we give someone else power over us can be the second we never come back from it and start suffering from the what-will-people-think-of-me” syndrome.
Dare I say someone who is no better than you, judging you come on lol That was me for that second, questioning my life, that will never be me again, next time I will smile and wave, just so he knows I am aware of what I am doing and guess what I am enjoying it.
