There once was a time
There once was a time I yearned for your approval like a new born baby yearning for its mothers milk, only instead of being nourished I was left in a state far worse than I was before …
wasted, starved and parched for another drink of your approval.
Like a penniless addict, I came to you for my daily fix and scrounged for the tiniest drop of relief that would send my soul soaring high up in the sky, applying Band-Aid where stitches were apt.
There once was a time I waited…I waited for you to notice, I waited for your applause because your compliments gave me life and ignited my soul.
Like a boat at the docks, I anticipated you would come and set me free into the vast oceans, I saw myself riding on the waves of your approval but I was tied securely to a pole, my pole.
You see, I became awakened to the realization that it is not about you or what you think or how you feel about me but it is about who I am and I liberated myself from the selfish words my mind had been caged in, words like
I am not good enough,
I am not pretty enough,
I am not intelligent enough,
I am not tall enough,
“I am not, I am not, I am not!!!” though thoughtless, I thought-less on these and liberated my soul.
Weary, shattered yet still hopeful, I realised it was all a façade; I thought I needed your approval and you thought you needed to give it. You thought you could fill up the emptiness in you by determining who to give and not to give your approval but I realised I am better than that. I do not have to live my life filling up souls and leaving mine dry. I am now opening up myself to the possibility that maybe, just maybe your approval is not the deal breaker, I am opening up myself to the possibility that I have my own journey to take, paths that haven’t been treaded on yet.
I am awakened to the realisation that I do not have to please you to find inner joy, what I have you cannot take away.
That was me then, this is me now..stronger, grounded, ethnetic
