Dear 30 you…
Many a-times, I would sit and imagine about how I would love to sit and have a conversation with you. I imagined all the things I would love to say to you but was afraid to….I wanted us to have the conversation that would shame all other conversations, you know a deep, sentimental, mind-blowing conversation. Pretty dumb right, like what did I have to fear, but if you knew me then you would understand my truth.
I would imagine us sitting in the middle of nowhere, drinking tea, your favorite herbal tea with 2 teaspoons of honey and a slice of chocolate cake. I chose this place in my head because in as much as you might refuse to admit it you kind of like these serene places and well you didn’t know this about me but I live for such!
I imagined the small talk as we would be drinking our teas. We would talk about music because you love music, of course your taste leaves a lot to be desired but I would suffer through the conversation. I imagined the awkward silence after the small talk is done, you look to the side, I look to the side as we are both debating on how to start the real conversation, the day that has brought us here.
I imagined, “I was hurt real bad!” being the first words that would come out of my mouth telling you how sad it was that the beginning was better than the ending. The ending that no-one saw coming, the ending where words were said that could never be taken back, the ending that was the final nail in the coffin. I saw it coming but I always thought it would be amicable, “you go your way and I go mine” kind of vibes but that that was not to be so, it was too sudden, so unexpected. I imagined having to remind you that I was your predecessor’s number 1 cheerleader, the person who had her back even when everyone was against her, the person who knew what was going on and kept all the darkest deepest secrets. Oh man! I imagined telling you that the fact that I had to remind you of all this meant that it was nothing.
Well it was definitely nothing enough for us to be sitting here in the middle of nowhere drinking tea, chewing on marshmallows.
And now that you are here and we have to have this conversation, all I ask is that you be kinder…
