Caught Up…
Lately I have been asking myself this question, “is it so wrong to be caught up in myself?” Would I be considered selfish if I just loved myself a little more? What if I just spoil myself here and there, would it break the bank…ok maybe that would but would I be really termed as vain if I gave myself a pat on the back? I just want to know if it is so wrong to say”I am whipped, I whipped myself.”
I enjoy my own company, sometimes a bit too much it even makes me uncomfortable but I love it. I enjoy those moments where I am not under pressure to talk, laugh or co-exist. I enjoy moments where I. Am. Just. Me. I do love people but i still enjoy my space, is it ungoldy? I mean there was a time even Jesus just separated himself.. Yes, we are commanded to love but we fail to love mot of the time because we do not know how to love.
There are 2 ways I think we can learn to love,
- God loving on us, so recklessly and unashamedly
- You loving on yourself recklessly and unashamedly
Now I am not a theologian but one thing I do know is that you can not love until you have been loved. The Divine Source of Love is the only Being that can love us right, without even expecting us to love Him back. How amazing is that?! God loves and waits patiently for us to love Him back, some never do and some do but He loves all the same with the same measure.
In my dark moments I do question His Love feel like He has a “love measuring jug” where He pours out love quantities according to who you are or your “holyometer”, but reality is it is never like that and when such thoughts enter my mind I just say to myself, “yeah He has a jug and He is just pouring on you girl, you are overflowing, look at your life, it doesn’t look like He is going to stop pouring over you!” He loves us all, I just felt someone needed to hear that, am I preaching to someone? Yes, yes I see you, your number starts with a wait… is that a 0? 07? is that you?
Anyway, I am not one who does well with unrequited love, one of the things that actually inspired this post. If I love you, you had better love me back but the thing is I also don’t love right…yet. I am getting there and I guess I am like the many who love conditionally, if you get me I got you otherwise sha….shoot me!
But that’s no way to live, which is why I am thinking of just getting caught up in myself! Just loving me more, appreciating me more, thanking God for me and most of all allowing God to love me, allowing Him to envelope me in His love and teach me how to love. Can you imagine the joy that comes with loving yourself, first of all you cease to care what people think about you and secondly you start doing things that make your heart smile, I mean what more do you want out of life. Yeah yeah we all want money but till then……
would it be so wrong to be caught up in yourself?
